in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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