There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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