dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
