he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
