whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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