this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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