That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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