the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
