and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
