we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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