"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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