so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
