walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
