allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
