this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
