omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
