Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
