i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
