I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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