Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
