dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
