could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
