both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We talked him into tasing himself.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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