pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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