just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
