We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
