genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm just crazy horny about you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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