Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
