Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
