first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
