next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
