Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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