Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
