How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
