You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
