I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize