Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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