i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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