You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
