ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
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How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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