mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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