I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
