you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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