; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
