sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize