i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
