wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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