how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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