please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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