yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
