i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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