Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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