Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
