I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
