I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
