I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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