operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
