My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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