Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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