david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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