She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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