Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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