my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
