I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize