Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
