My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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