i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
