If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have aggressive nipples.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
