I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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