You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
