I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
