Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
