Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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