my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
