I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
