she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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