would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
