Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
