The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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