my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
