He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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