note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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