I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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