I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize