dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
